Up until the last couple of days I have felt so alive, vibrant, and far happier than I have been in some time. What is the change you ask? I had embraced myself as a woman, something I've wanted to do my entire life. For the first time in years I have been truly happy, and for the first time in my conscious memory, almost outgoing and far less reserved. I've absolutely loved every second of the "new" me. The past couple of days my male side has been creeping its way uninvited back into my life, and it's so disorienting and painful that it's all I've been able to do to go to work for my scheduled shifts and actually have some level of functionality. School hasn't been so lucky, I've missed classes and homework lately over this because I haven't been able to handle it. I've always known the pain of never feeling right in my own skin, and in so many different ways that I could go on for some time about it. After going for a couple of months fully embracing myself as a woman, however, I can more clearly see what for me might be an even greater pain than not feeling right in my own skin and mind. The constant, almost unnoticeable change in thought processes between male and female can be, to say the very least, excruciatingly painful...not physically of course, but emotionally, and emotional scarring will more easily incapacitate a person than any physical ailment that could possibly infect a person.
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