Breaking point...again

So it's been a while, I've been doing everything I can to simply keep myself distracted from my gender identity (or possibly simply lack there of) that I haven't been function in life hardly at all.  The only thing that is survivng is my job, and that probably only because I have a couple of friends there that understand and are supportive.  Anyway, the distractions are starting to not be effective, and I am totally about to snap, I can't take not being me for very much longer I don't think.  It also seems, though my doc is looking for more of a specialist for me at this point in time, that I wasn't born with both sets of organs, so I guess it simply means I'm mental.  Mental or not, I can't function like this, and I'm almost about to be seriously thinking about making do with what I have and simply making the transition reguardless of what is there or not, though there is nothing simple about it.

Woman last month, can't I just stay?

Up until the last couple of days I have felt so alive, vibrant, and far happier than I have been in some time.  What is the change you ask?  I had embraced myself as a woman, something I've wanted to do my entire life.  For the first time in years I have been truly happy, and for the first time in my conscious memory, almost outgoing and far less reserved.  I've absolutely loved every second of the "new" me.  The past couple of days my male side has been creeping its way uninvited back into my life, and it's so disorienting and painful that it's all I've been able to do to go to work for my scheduled shifts and actually have some level of functionality.  School hasn't been so lucky, I've missed classes and homework lately over this because I haven't been able to handle it.  I've always known the pain of never feeling right in my own skin, and in so many different ways that I could go on for some time about it.  After going for a couple of months fully embracing myself as a woman, however, I can more clearly see what for me might be an even greater pain than not feeling right in my own skin and mind.  The constant, almost unnoticeable change in thought processes between male and female can be, to say the very least, excruciatingly painful...not physically of course, but emotionally, and emotional scarring will more easily incapacitate a person than any physical ailment that could possibly infect a person.