Preferences

So, growing up as a male, despite never feeling like I fit in with the guys totally, I still grew up as a man, and was therefore taught/expected to follow general male tendencies.  I also am still physically male, and mostly grew up with all the male desires, including to a degree the desire to love a woman, hold her close and be everything to her, and care for her with all that I had.  I've never been attracted to women the way that most men describe it, but I did fall madly in love with a woman at one point in my life, and I married her.  I would have done anything for that woman, and if she hadn't divorced me, I would never be able to think about my desires to live as a woman, as I've felt I should be my entire life.  Even though the jury is still out on whether I have the female organs and possibly have the option of truly living as a woman or not, I never would have been able to consider changing despite how I feel, because of how I felt about her.  As it is, she did leave, there is no hope of getting her back, I do still feel like a woman, I just might have the parts to live as a woman, and I am considering it, a lot.  Along those lines, lately I've really let my female side have me, and I've never been more comfortable in my life, and I've never desired the strong arms of a man to hold me and keep me safe, to surround me with his love, and for me to truly be able to return the feeling.  This feeling/desire feels so much more natural to me, at least as far as I've let myself think about it, not wanting too much heartache if it turns out I can't have it.