I'm in class right now, and it's a party day. Looking around I see groups of happy people, eating junk food, listening to the background music, talking, laughing, and having a great time. Through my entire life, or at least the parts I can remember, I've never been able to relax and enjoy myself like I'm watching everyone here now doing. Trust me, I've tried to be myself and enjoy it, especially in group settings, but when your base belief of who you are has never felt right, it seems impossible to me. That belief has the ability to control every aspect of your life, and nothing escapes its shrouding blanket of control. If you aren't male or female (physically or otherwise), then what are you? It becomes difficult to even take religious answers like "you are a beloved son (or daughter) of God." And what place can you have in this world (or the next)? You can't do hardly anything without claiming male or female, and having real proof to back that claim up, and lets face it, it has to be quite obvious or you get labled as some kind of pervert or freak (staying within the nicer labels anyway.) Being comfortable with who I am is the base of my desires with sorting out my gender issues. Every other aspect of life will then have the ability to eventually fall into place, and though it won't make life perfect, it will give a set of problems that can be faced in a way where fitting into life and society is completely doable. Or at least far more so than before.
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